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(APRIL FOOLS) - Very Important - URGENT ACTION REQUIRED! - 2011-04-01 This may come as a surprise, but there's an even greater threat to global computing than Y2K ever was. It's called benzonium, a little known but fairly ubiquitous element, way down on the Periodic table. It's used in the manufacture of everything from remote control toys to tanning lotion to x-ray glasses, but most importantly, benzonium is used in the manufacture of ALL COMPUTERS. If you remember anything from your high school chemistry class, you'll remember the term "half-life" relating to elements. Well, this little element surpassed its half life some time in the 14th century, and has reached the critical stage (at least within earth's atmosphere) of "end-life". Yes, researchers have found that this naturally occurring element is set to "destabilize" on the first of April, 2011. That means that not only will your computer start to emit a smoke that smells of licorice, but it will actually become LIGHTER than air, and start levitating all over your home or office. NO ONE IS SAFE. As it has already happened in Australia, we are receiving reports of mass emails being sent from any folder marked "private", the replacement of any photos on your hard drive with pictures of Celine Dion, and the automatic narration, out loud and at full volume, of "The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo" - in it's original Swedish. The horror. The ONLY REMEDY which will allow you to re-stabilize the benzonium and prevent the utter meltdown of your computer and society as we know it is as follows: PLEASE PASS THIS ON! 1. Before turning on your computer, wipe down the desk area around it with sage scented antibacterial wipes (the sage is important in the re-stabilization process). 2. Wave a pink haired Chihuahua over the keyboard. 3. Open your email program, select EVERY CONTACT YOU HAVE, and type in the following: "Happy April Fool's Day!" 4. Send. If you would like to discuss your current backup plan to ensure it's working properly, or you don't have a disaster recovery plan and need our help to build one, please call the Benson & Associates Helpdesk at 1.877.247.17664. |
